Practically speaking, the scientists found parents who cultivate and demonstrate empathy and sympathy in their families end up with happier and more resilient children. They’ve also found that this tendency towards pitying others is genetic and heritable. In other words, empathy and sympathy are more necessary for human survival than acrimonious pursuit of survival, self-interest and the pursuit of personal gain. Contrary to the oft-argued assumption that selfishness is genetic and an inherent part of our nature (i.e., the Darwinist dictum of survival of the fittest and the Kantian notion that individuals are self-interested) researchers from Berkeley have shown mankind’s development is more on the order of survival of the kindest. Indeed, Darwinists and classical economists both have been dealt a major setback by recent science. At the same time, although mental strength requires showing little pity for ourselves, showing pity for others is incredibly powerful. By stopping the self-pity-beginning with the smallest inconveniences and challenges and extending to the largest-we gradually rid ourselves of unpleasant and goal-destroying ‘roommates’. Indeed, when compared to people in the study not suffering such afflictions, the disabled and physically ill exhibited markedly less self-pity and greater happiness and well being. In a study of disabled and seriously ill people, for example, researchers found that few, if any such resilient warriors engaged in self-pity. By contrast, mentally strong people rid themselves of this enemy early on. You’re tired? The excuse comes to mind that you can’t possibly work any harder. You’re hungry? Your roommate tells you you must eat or you’ll die. For every excuse you create, you clone a mental ‘roommate’ who constantly nags at you whenever you face the slightest difficulty. Mentally strong people recognize that self-pity is a Siren that can lure you to a watery, psychological death. Thus, by cultivating the habit of open-mindedness and learning from others-regardless of how much you respect them-you gain mental strength. Acting on that incorrect assumption (say, by confronting them or even just engaging them) could be disastrous. If your boss or colleagues are a bit abrupt with you, it’s possible you might incorrectly interpret their motivations. With that said, it’s easy to see why mentally strong people would want to behave this way. It means she refrains from coming to conclusions on the basis of speculative assumptions and emotions. Yet, to be clear, her refusal to trust her own judgment doesn’t mean she lacks confidence or conviction. By combining humility and this sort of mental resilience, she then opens the doorway to learning, avoiding biases and taking advantage of new knowledge. Moreover, the intellectually humble person is willing to be proven wrong without falling apart emotionally. She knows that not only might there be other valid points of view, she accepts hers might be invalid. In other words, the intellectually humble person is aware she might be wrong. That’s a powerful trait one builds up over time by refusing to trust one’s own thinking. One positive consequence of not judging and reducing the bias blind spot is what’s called intellectual humility. They ask, “Could I be seeing in this person’s problem (hangup, bias, etc.) my own problem (hangup, bias, etc.)?” Indeed, real mental warriors even go the extra step of turning their own criticisms on themselves. We want to avoid even the slightest criticism of others in an effect to gain mental freedom and clarity of perception. Yet, in building mental strength, the habit we want to cultivate involves catching ourselves before passing judgment. In other words, we become blind sheep to our own illogic. Indeed, our biased way of thinking (in this case, our “subjective worldview”) makes us vulnerable to manipulation by those who tell us what we want to hear (i.e., they fan our tendency towards “confirmation bias), along with fake news and all the rest. And although we might perceive such stubbornness as reflecting our own mental strength and conviction, it actually undermines it. We discount their disagreeing with us as stemming from their own biases. By the same token, we believe we can magically see the hangups of others. In particular, researchers have found judging and criticizing others establishes and increases (with the extent of judgment) what’s known as the “ bias blind spot.” That’s psychological predisposition we all have leading us not to see our own mental hangups. Yet, there’s also science to support this great habit of non-judgment. They recognize, for example, how filling one’s head with criticisms of others wastes mental space better spent strengthening and improving one’s self. Mentally strong people understand the overwhelming power of thoughts. Deal with your own weaknesses and don’t judge others.
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